Our Last Goodbye.

Today we went down to Putsborough Beach to scatter Linas' ashes at the place where he spent many happy hours surfing with his brothers. 

Even though we know that his spirit has left this world we can all feel that he is close to us wherever we live.

It was a beautiful time which we shared with Sam and Alex. Romas built a driftwood fire upon which we placed the basket the roses had been placed in, the rose stems and the box which had contained the ashes. Linas would certainly have approved of the fire. Although it was sad to say goodbye we also thought Linas  would have found it amusing to see us wading out, bare legged into the freezing water. 

Farewell Linas.

The day he left for Belfast.

   Alter Bridge - Blackbird   (Link)

The willow it weeps today

A breeze from the distance is calling your name

Unfurl your black wings and wait

Across the horizon it's coming to sweep you away

It's coming to sweep you away

[Chorus:]

Let the wind carry you home

Blackbird fly away

May you never be broken again

The fragile cannot endure

The wrecked and the jaded a place so impure

The static of this cruel world

Cause some birds to fly long before they've seen their day

Long before they've seen their day

[Chorus:]

Let the wind carry you home

Blackbird fly away

May you never be broken again

Beyond the suffering you've known

I hope you find your way

May you never be broken again

Ascend may you find no resistance

Know that you made such a difference

All you leave behind will live to the end

The cycle of suffering goes on

But memories of you stay strong

Someday I too will fly and find you again

[Chorus:]

Let the wind carry you home

Blackbird fly away

May you never be broken again

Beyond the suffering you've known

I hope you find your way

May you never be broken again

May you never be broken again

This is the song we had played today. Romas suggested it as they would play it together on their guitars.

Happy Birthday Vytas.

Life still goes on even in the midst of sadness so today we celebrated Vytas' 27th birthday. I woke him this morning with a phone call from Sally. Later he opened his cards and opened a present from us (a guidebook to LOTR locations), which I had carefully sent out to him in Auckland and he had just as carefully brought back to Devon. At lunchtime we all went to The Honey Moon Chinese restaurant in Barnstaple for  for their all-you-can-eat buffet. It has a great selection of dishes and at less than £7 each is very good value. I think the boys may have had 4 platefuls each! After lunch we strolled back down the High St where Alex bought Vytas some hand made chocolates and all 3 of the youngsters found some good bargains in the Saltrock sale. Right now the boys are playing yet another wargame (early Romans I think) and later on when we are feeling a little less full we'll have some of the chocolate birthday cake that is defrosting hidden away in the kitchen.

This was the year that Vytas finally completed his studies, his thesis was handed in and he now has his PhD.

After so many years 'up country' he and Sally fled gloomy Britain and headed off for sunny Brisbane.

After working first as a house demolisher, then a landscape gardener and finally a farm hand he was back in Sydney prior to flying out to Auckland where Sally had been offered a 'proper' job.

He was just settling into New Zealand life when tragedy struck our family and he flew half-way round the world to  be with us at this sad time. And it has been such a comfort to have both Vytas and Romas here. Their very presence brings normality and has put us on the path to acceptance. But today is Vytas' day so ...

Happy Birthday, Vytas. xx

Busy Day.

I've been quite busy today without a moment to curl up in corner. Sometimes that's good, sometimes not. Mid-morning I drove Vytas out to Fremmington to drop off his lap-top to be repaired. He's been having trouble with the power cable but even with Peter's help wasn't able to resolder some of the parts. Luckily Peter remembered this chap who runs a small repair business and it won't cost too much to fix. With all his travelling Vytas needs a way of keeping in touch so his lap-top is less of a luxury and more of a necessity. I guess it's only the older generation (ie us) who still look upon such things as a luxury. 

Once home I decided to give my car a thorough clean. We will be driving ourselves to the funeral, not only to keep the costs down but I can't really imagine a gleaming limousine in our muddy yard. So my car was scrubbed inside and out and even the seat covers got thrown in the washing machine. There have been times in the last 2 weeks when I simply curl up and stare at the tv and others when I go into a cleaning frenzy. It's all part of the process I suppose. 

It's quite isolated living here but each trip to town has included a few more interactions so I am gradually finding it easier to talk to people. Today I talked to 2 of my colleagues, typical Devon fashion we stopped our cars side by side in the road and had a chat through our windows. I'm off out in a moment to pick up my friends' daughter who is arriving by train so that will be one more young person in the house. It's going to be a case of musical bedrooms for the next few says as people arrive and go so I'd better go and make sure Vytas has moved his things into Peter's study leaving the spare bedroom clear for Alex.

Slowly Emerging.

We are slowly learning to live with the loss of our middle son, Linas. Briefly, Linas passed away in his sleep at the end of January. The probable cause is an accidental overdose of the prescription painkillers he had for his severe migraines. The energy drinks he often drank may also have been a factor. It may take up to 6 months for the tests to be completed but it doesn't really matter. He's still gone. Our only comfort is that he did know the Lord. Although everybody has been very kind it has been hard to wait for phone calls from officials both in Belfast and here but at last the funeral has been set for the beginning of next week. 

We would have fallen into a black hole of despair if it had not been for the presence of Vytas and Romas. Romas came the next day, kindly driven down by his girlfriend's parents, and Vytas arrived as soon as he could organise a flight from Auckland. Not only have they provided us with emotional support, they have made all the meals and tackled various jobs around the place. Simply hearing them together has helped us to  emerge into some form of normality.

Today it stopped raining for long enough for the boys and I to go down to the beach. It was so good to be out in the fresh air. I was in town yesterday making various arrangements and I felt very fragile walking down the High Street especially as I wasn't wearing my dark sunglasses which have helped to shut out the world. 

Through all this time emails and Facebook messages have provided a way to hear and respond to friends at a time when talking was still very painful and we have been comforted by everybody's kind words.

Please pray for my family as we mourn the loss of our beloved son Linas.

Grey.

It's been a mostly grey day with some rain, some sun and some blue skies. So I did a little work outside before heading off to work at lunchtime. I had a pleasant afternoon and then I stayed on at school to paint some castle walls in my friend's classroom role play area. It's not brilliant and I wouldn't be getting any job offers as a set painter but hopefully the children will enjoy playing in their 'castle'.

This morning I found the first of the year's frog spawn in the small pond.  Not doubt as usual it will suffer in the February/March freeze but it does herald the coming spring. The first 2 daffodils are flowering along the stream bank though last year they were in flower before the end of December.

That greedy cat, Patch, had also noticed the frog spawn and was slurping down a few mouthfuls of the indigestible gloop before going back to his trout fishing. Yesterday he was sitting by the stream as I parked the car and before I had got out he was already disappearing under a tree with a trout in his mouth.