Quiet.

All is very quiet at home now. We set off this morning while it was still dark to drive Romas to Exeter to catch a coach. The single rail fare was over £100 or £70 with a rail card and the coach from Barnstaple was over £60! so the Megabus fare of £27 was a lot more reasonable for a journey of less than 200 miles. I had planned to drive Romas myself but although I can get around Exeter by bus and on foot the often changing one way road system had me worried that we wouldn't make it in time. Many years ago when I drove Vytas early in the mornings to the bus station on the start of his trips to Poland I simply drove up the bus & taxi only streets but I expect they have cameras that would catch you now. So Peter drove and I went along for the ride.

And now I have a few quiet days before I'm back at work. Right now I feel as if I'm living in 2 worlds. For most of the time. I'm in a place where life just goes on. Most people don't know about our personal tragedy and even with those that do there are everyday things to be done and conversations to be had. And I can cope fairly well. But to one side is a window through which I can see the fact that Linas has passed out of this life. I am always aware of what lies on the other side of the window but some conversations both in my head and with other people push me closer to the window and my grief wells up. And it is in those quiet times, especially in the stillness of the night that I pass right through to the other side and I am confronted by all the possibilities that will never be and my heart breaks into a million pieces.

An icicle-fall caused by the dripping over-flow pipe and the freezing temperatures.

So as part of the healing process I feel that my blog should return to being more about what is happening around me rather than what is going on in my head. Unless of course I feel the need to have another of my rants.